I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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