Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
