I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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