Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
