just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize