Do you still have your period?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
