Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
