I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
