Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
