Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize