sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
