he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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