I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
