It was confusing and full of hummus
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
