yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
3pm strippers are depressing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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