Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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