Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
