So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
