Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
