hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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