I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
