Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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