i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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