I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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