im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
