Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
