My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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