I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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