you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
