Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
