I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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