I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
