So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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