I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
