i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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