Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
