just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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