Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
