She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
