You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
