He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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