So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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