I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
