Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
