i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
