So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
