we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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