glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
