i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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