I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize