How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
