My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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