apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize