Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
