im six kinds of drunk right now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize