Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
