Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
