Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
