I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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