I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
