I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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