He disabled his match.com account in front of me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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