Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
