Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize