I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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