so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
