dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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