My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
