Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
