I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
