Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
