Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
