You really coming over, don't trick.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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