I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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