just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
