if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
