Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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