he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize