Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
