I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
